Please join me in welcoming Tonya Lester to Novel Kicks and the blog tour for her book, Push Back: Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself.

What happens when kindness crosses into self-erasure? That’s the question therapist Tonya Lester explores in her debut book, Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself.

Lester’s work is grounded in the realities of everyday relationships — marriages, friendships, families, and workplaces — where unspoken expectations often pull people into silence or compliance. With candor and compassion, she explores why so many women struggle to express anger, say no, or ask for what they need. Push Back combines research-backed insight with real-life case studies and guided reflections that help readers recognize the difference between keeping peace and losing themselves in the process. Lester doesn’t teach readers to be louder — she teaches them to be clearer. Her message is practical and deeply encouraging: your boundaries can coexist with love.

Tonya has kindly shared an extract with us today. We hope you enjoy. 

*****beginning of extract*****

It’s OK to be Difficult

Years ago, I read a magazine story about an experienced climber who nearly died falling down a mountain. She’d forgotten the crucial step of double-checking her anchor knots before she started the climb. It turned out this climber had carefully checked her husband’s rope while neglecting her own. I imagine this realization flashing through her mind as she tumbled, terrified, down the slope.

As a couples therapist in New York City, I was struck by this article, not as a cautionary tale of mountaineering safety, but instead as a reminder of the gender dynamics I see normalized in relationships. Often, women don’t even realize the imperceptible descent they take as they disappear into relationships, suppressing their own needs and desires while caring for those of others.

Had this climber expected her husband to check her ropes as she had checked his? Had she asked him to? Or had she trusted herself to tie her own knots correctly but thought that he needed extra looking after? At what point in their relationship did she start checking his climbing ropes? What were their interpersonal dynamics in other areas of their lives? Was he like a child, unable to take care of himself? Or was he considered the talent and she the manager, in charge of ensuring he had everything he needed to succeed? Whatever else was going on in their marriage, she must not have believed she could take proper care of herself and also stay in the relationship, because soon after the fall, she filed for divorce.

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