Book Extract: Mrs Bambi Knows by Chris Mason

I am pleased to be welcoming Chris Mason to Novel Kicks. He’s here with the blog tour for his novel, Mrs Bambi Knows.

In a small town in Oregon, everyone wants to kill the local advice columnist, Mrs Bambi. If only they knew who she was.

Mrs Bambi’s advice is so snarky that people have long since stopped asking for it. Instead she eavesdrops on conversations and writes the letters herself. The readers would lynch her, but no one knows who she is.

In fact, Mrs. Bambi is not a woman. The column is written by Richard, a quiet widower with a young daughter.
The uneventful part of Richard’s life is nearly over: he begins dating Pam, a well-known realtor and a sports addict. When people begin to learn the identity of Mrs. Bambi, Richard is threatened and humiliated in public. Despite the pleas of his editor, his friends, and Pam, he refuses to stop writing the column.
The only thing that can prevent disaster is for the town to finally learn the whole truth about Richard, which is much larger than the simple mystery of Mrs. Bambi.

Set in 1995, Chris Mason’s skillful storytelling brings a tale of humour and romance – and not a little peril – charmingly to life in the mind of the reader.

Chris has shared an extract today. Enjoy! 

*****beginning of extract*****

The advice (agony aunt) column in a small town newspaper is written by a widower using the alias Mrs. Bambi. Because no one will ask him for advice anymore, he eavesdrops on peoples’ conversations and writes the questions and the answers himself. Every chapter in the book begins with one of the advice columns. Here’s an example.

Dear Mrs. Bambi:

My mother is sick, but not as sick as she thinks she is. She’s an incurable hypochondriac, and I think it’s going to kill me.

Last week her vision went blurry. She called me at one in the morning, hours after I’d gone to bed, to tell me she had an eye tumor. I drove over and cleaned her glasses for her.

The week before it was bone cancer, because her hip joint was hurting. She’s had that problem ever since a skiing accident forty years ago. A while ago it was lung cancer. She has never smoked. Last Thanksgiving she thought she had prostate cancer. I had to explain to her that she doesn’t have a prostate.

She’s 64, she can out-hike both me and my children, she has strong bones and she’s going to live to be 99. I doubt if I’m going to make it to 40 if this keeps up. How can I make her stop complaining about her health?

—Fed Up

Dear Grouchy:

Get sick.

Dear Mrs. Bambi:

I’ve read about a new migraine pill that has almost no side-effects. I get migraine headaches once or twice a month, so I looked up the information on this stuff. It’s pretty scary. When they gave extremely high doses to pregnant rats, the rat pups tended to die within the first four days.

Now I’m confused. Is this drug safe or not?

—Head Pained

Dear Pain In The Neck:

The answer is simple. Don’t take this medicine if you’re pregnant and the father is a rat.

***** end of extract*****

About Chris Mason – 

Born in Ohio, Chris has moved around too much for anyone’s good, living in several places that might be considered tourist attractions. He mines those experiences for the settings of his books.

He lives in Florida with his wife, two dogs, two cats, and a smart-aleck macaw who has pets of her own.

Click here to buy Mrs Bambi Knows on Amazon UK, Amazon US or you can buy via 186 Publishing. 

by

Laura

I'm Laura. I started Novel Kicks back in 2009 as I wanted a place to discuss books and writing - two loves of my life. As someone who has anxiety, these two things give me, and I am sure countless others, a much needed escape.
There is a monthly book club, writing exercises, prompts, reviews, author interviews, competitions and guest posts. I cover many genres and I hope there is something for everyone.
I grew up by the sea in Dorset and currently live in Poole with my husband, Chris and three cats. I love writing and have a BA (Hons) in Creative Writing from Falmouth University. I am writing my first book. If only I could stop pressing delete. Chris has threatened to stop it from working. Haha.
I have always loved creative writing since I was in first school and would very much like to meet my teacher, Miss Sayers, to say thank you for all the encouragement she gave me then.
When not writing, I love reading, cats, Disney, singing (I can't sing but this doesn't stop me,) and falling into a good TV show or film. If I could step into any fictional world, it would be amongst the characters in ABC's Once Upon a Time.
I love reading many genres and discovering new authors.